Esoteric Translation

2. The Thaumaturgic Method

  1. Ensure that the source text is in a language you do not understand.
  2. Acquire a novena to Saint Jerome. If one is not available, adapt one intended for another saint.
  3. Choose a place and a time of day which will be available to you for nine successive days or nights.
  4. Recite the novena on nine successive days or nights.
  5. After your ninth and final recital, wait for up to one month.
  6. If the source text is still not revealed to you after one month from the end of your novena, you may again petition Saint Jerome.

* Although membership of the Catholic Church is not required by this method, it is necessary at least to be able to go through the ritual with a straight face. Do adapt it according to your religious background, if any. If you are repulsed by the idea of a transcendental Superior Being, you may want to think of this in the context of Game Theory. If you are Protestant, try one of the other methods.